Saturday, January 31, 2009

wikiHow

On wikiHow I found this....

"Be yourself. Much criticism is caused by people who are discontented with themselves, not with you. Your goal may be to open up completely to yourself and learn to be your own best friend by being completely honest with yourself. What do you want out of life? What makes you truly happy? Who do you want to be? Don't hold yourself back or fake things to become well-liked, or because you're too afraid to be who you really are. You owe it to yourself to do one thing: Be you!"
I want this!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Note to self: I apparently like talking about movies.
wow ----- a lot

chic

I am one strange chic
Thats for sure
Good G-d!

interesting

I have the some of the strangest tendencies.
This is seriously just.....strange
How absolutely bizzare is THIS?
Weird......

focusing

Why, oh why is it so hard for me to focus on something and stick to it?
Why does it seem like other people can do it just fine?
Seriously......
Grumph!! (that's all I have to say)

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

scared of what?

What am I scared of right now, you ask?
Things. My things. In my room.
Clearing and cleaning it. Scared of what will happen if I tried- because of what has happened all of the billions of times I have tried. Scared of the feelings and feeling my work is ultimately futile. Fear of not giving myself enough credit for my work because I don't know how. Fear of the possibility that I may never know how. I really hope that's not true.
Wondering why I have no problem standing up and speaking with authority figures and saying things most would never be brave enough to say. Why I am not intimidated by them, but I AM intimidated of my own things. Why thinking about going in there and doing something with those things makes me so nervous. Where's my bold audacity? Why do I have it when it comes to bigger things?
My own things have more power over me than any of my principals I've had. (Ok, other than maybe Rabbi Kass- I did have a certain amount of fear of him)
THINGS! Papers, books, clothes............... stuff
It's just stuff!!!!!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

pretend

Ok, so I'm gonna pretend that i LIKE the place that im in, in my life right now. That I'm doing exactly what I wanna be doing and spending my days exactly how I want to be spending them. HELP ME PRETEND!!!!

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

other's life blogs

So I'm reading this blog of a pediatric resident Dr. and the entries are SO much more interesting than mine (not that my goal is for my blog to be "interesting"). I can't help but think: "I wanna have a job where every day there's a story to blog about. I want to meet interesting and new people everyday and have interesting things happen in my life like that."
So shall I go into medicine? Be a nurse, or a PA or something? G-d knows I'm totally interested in the medical feild. But would it gross me out too much? Would I not be able to handle it? Handle the schooling? Handle that high stress job atmosphere? Is it too much menial labor (drug measurements etc...BP checks...etc.) for me to do on a constant basis? Do I want to work around sick people all the time? I really couldnt tell ya. Maybe I SHOULD go into it. Maybe there's a REASON why the first thing I can remember wanting to be (as a young child) was a Doctor. Maybe there's a reason why I was so obsessed with ER and why I love watching Greys Anatomy, House, Providence, and Private Practice. Maybe there's a reason why I'd buy medical textbooks for myself to read when I was in high school. Maybe there's a reason for my total obsession with drugs and how they work. I still dont know tho. I cant help but question my ability to get into and get through something like med school. I mean, I like it, but can I do it? Would I be able to get thru it? Could I handle it? and would I want that to be the difference I would want to make in the world? I dont know....

Saturday, January 03, 2009

checking

Always check:
Are YOU noticing your MIND?
Or
is your MIND noticing YOU?

seriously.....

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Saturday, December 27, 2008

thoughts

Most thoughts are not meant to be written.
Yea yea, i know.
It feels good to do it sometimes tho
yea it does

no press

I like not having the pressure of having to write in this. It makes me wanna write in it!
So what can I talk about? I really could talk about mostly anything. I have an opinion on pretty much everything (if I'm aware of its existence), and I even have theories about a lot of things. Give me a topic, and I could probably tell you, in many words, what I think about it. This is probably why I liked the exercise we used to do in Toastmasters (a public speaking class thing that we did in high school) where the leader would say a topic and someone would have to, on the fly, talk for 5 minutes about the topic. Though I DO find, that when there's pressure to talk about something, I tend to have a mind clog. I think and talk more (and I have much more to say) when I'm relaxed. I wonder if everyone is like that.
See....I can even talk about talking! (that's actually kinda cool)
I tend to have less to say about the loaded topics though. You know what I'm talking about. The ones where everyone has an opinion on the matter. Like abortion, the death penalty, cloning, and other controversial type stuff. Not that I don't have an opinion on those things. I sometimes do, but its usually either a simple, one word answer, or I haven't made up my mind yet because of the baggilion factors that play a part in it that I'm either not aware of, or don't wish to be aware of.
Or I love (full sarcasm intended) questions like: "What do you think of______?" Usually the blank being filled in with something huge, like: "the holocaust", "9/11", "President Bush", etc.
Like, what am I supposed to say to that?
What do I think of the holocaust? "Um, it sounded like it really sucked?"
Or am I supposed to go on and on about everything I know about it and then give a detailed opinion on how and why each thing happened?
What do I THINK of _______?
I usually respond with the general confused response implying: "Huh? What on earth are you asking me?" Then I try to either change the subject or somehow in the "nicest" way possible try to explain why I cannot really answer the question.

Opinions are funny things anyway. Everyone is entitled to (at least) one (those who have more than one are probably Jewish or confused). So everyone is entitled to have an opinion, but stating it can get you into trouble sometimes. It's something that some people want to hear, and some really do not want to hear.
Opinions change. Now how weird is that?
If opinions give a strong light to viewing who a person is, then how can they change?
Ok, I know the answer to that question so why did I even ask it?
Now that, on the other hand, is a good question!
Thank you, thank you, hold the applause.....

Holidays

So it's Chanuka. Anyone have any thoughts to offer up?

Holidays, in general make life more interesting (I think anyway).
Imagine what it would be like if we just deleted the concept of a holiday.
Since I'm Jewish, I can only speak from a Jewish perspective (Jewish Holidays).
Seriously, what if there were no such thing as Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, Succos, Chanukah, Purim, Pesach, or Shavuos? How would life be different?
No special time to ask our friends for forgiveness. No fasting. No special Yom Tov art projects in school. No special time to call your relatives to wish them a Good Yom Tov (or an easy fast, a happy new year, happy Chanuka, or happy Purim). No menorahs, no dreidels. No one would blow a shofar (which I find to be a strange concept in need of good explanation anyways...I mean seriously, why are we trying to blow a sound out of something that was obviously not made for musical use. And a RAM'S HORN? Seriously....). No one would build any little huts outside to eat in for 7 days. Come on....How fun is that concept! And I certainly wouldn't have thought up that activity to do. Camping, maybe....But this is so much cooler. No one would get all dressed up and give each other themed gifts with food in them. There would be no special designated time to give to the poor. There would be no such thing as matzah, no Afikomen, and no Seder! There would no longer be a night where all of our actions are meant to be directed towards the next generation (the children). And I don't know about you, but going to the matzah factory as a little kid was like one of the coolest experiences EVER! There would never be a time where we'd have to clean the house (for there has to be some form of order for us to be able to look for chametz). There would be no marror, no 4 cups of wine, no 4 questions, and no strange looking recipes of things that weren't meant to be made without flour and yeast. There'd be no day of milchigs and cheesecake. We'd never really have a day where everyone eats a similar thing and then gets to compare with each other. There'd be no "holy" excuse to buy expensive outfits, and nothing to save a special food for. Years would go by without landmarks in them. Time would pass more obscurely and less significantly.
So yes, holidays can be quite weird. We do weird things, eat weird things, and change our behavior in honor of them. They make you think, and sometimes say: "What on earth are we doing and why are we doing it?"
But life without them? B-O-R-I-N-G!

underestimation

I noticed that people tend to underestimate the effects of certain things. Specifically:

-Place
Even if you're in the same building, different places create different moods. The room and the mood is then context for your frame of mind. Your frame of mind is the context for your actions, decisions, and experiences. The more rooms to choose from, the more context options to choose from. Maybe that's where the expression: "Opening doors" (which means expanding options and opportunities) comes from. (I said "maybe" which means "maybe not" also). Who knows. If one is uncomfortable in a place (a room), the discomfort can sometimes be relieved by a simple change of location. Go to another room.

-Lighting
A big, and an often overlooked factor in a place. If something bugs you about the mood of a place, try changing the lighting. It's a big thing that most people wouldn't think to do and it really has the ability to sharply change the energy of a room.

-People
This one is a bit more obvious but is still overlooked by some (often just because the constant presence of people in their lives is taken for granted. It's human not to notice what is always there.) Whether or not there are people within your vicinity (and your level of interaction with them) and who those people are, can really effect someone's state of mind. Isolation is not something I recommend. Human's are social animals.

Monday, November 10, 2008

hi

Hi
(its been a while....so much has happened)

A few words........

It seems to be that the less I have to say, the more things are happening internally.

So its been almost two years without any words to offer here.....

Hameivin Yavin...

Friday, December 15, 2006

Happy Chanukah

Hellenists vs. Judealists
We are few
But our voices are loud.
And because we are still detirmined to find that small flask of truth hidden somwhere within this incomplete world, because we WILL find it, and then light it with our souls, G-d will make an open miracle and allow that flame to last; not for one day, but for 8!
May G-d allow us to take Chanuka's message and passion into the rest of our lives!
Happy Chanuka

-Max

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Hi again

Just a short note
Sorry I seem to disappear form time to time. Well, I don't really actually disappear, I'm here. It's actually harder to write my thoughts than I thought it would be. Oh, well. So ......
I'm going to work in about 20 minutes. I'm starting to learn the ropes there a bit. But everyday is completely different. It depends on everyone's moods. Yesterday, everyone seemed to be extra hyper. Maybe the teachers stuck something into their drinks or something. I sort of doubt that actually.

I am also working doing a sort of secretary type job and learning how to do that. Thank G-d, I'm busy. Ironically, (but not unexpected), I think I'm learning a LOT more this year (living at home and working 2 jobs) than when I was living out of town and going to school as a student. Learning about the world, and learning about myself. I know this all sounds very vague and I hope to go into more detail in the coming blogs (soon hopefully).

So much to talk about :-)

-Max