scared of what?

What am I scared of right now, you ask?
Things. My things. In my room.
Clearing and cleaning it. Scared of what will happen if I tried- because of what has happened all of the billions of times I have tried. Scared of the feelings and feeling my work is ultimately futile. Fear of not giving myself enough credit for my work because I don't know how. Fear of the possibility that I may never know how. I really hope that's not true.
Wondering why I have no problem standing up and speaking with authority figures and saying things most would never be brave enough to say. Why I am not intimidated by them, but I AM intimidated of my own things. Why thinking about going in there and doing something with those things makes me so nervous. Where's my bold audacity? Why do I have it when it comes to bigger things?
My own things have more power over me than any of my principals I've had. (Ok, other than maybe Rabbi Kass- I did have a certain amount of fear of him)
THINGS! Papers, books, clothes............... stuff
It's just stuff!!!!!