Saturday, January 31, 2009

wikiHow

On wikiHow I found this....

"Be yourself. Much criticism is caused by people who are discontented with themselves, not with you. Your goal may be to open up completely to yourself and learn to be your own best friend by being completely honest with yourself. What do you want out of life? What makes you truly happy? Who do you want to be? Don't hold yourself back or fake things to become well-liked, or because you're too afraid to be who you really are. You owe it to yourself to do one thing: Be you!"
I want this!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Note to self: I apparently like talking about movies.
wow ----- a lot

chic

I am one strange chic
Thats for sure
Good G-d!

interesting

I have the some of the strangest tendencies.
This is seriously just.....strange
How absolutely bizzare is THIS?
Weird......

focusing

Why, oh why is it so hard for me to focus on something and stick to it?
Why does it seem like other people can do it just fine?
Seriously......
Grumph!! (that's all I have to say)

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

scared of what?

What am I scared of right now, you ask?
Things. My things. In my room.
Clearing and cleaning it. Scared of what will happen if I tried- because of what has happened all of the billions of times I have tried. Scared of the feelings and feeling my work is ultimately futile. Fear of not giving myself enough credit for my work because I don't know how. Fear of the possibility that I may never know how. I really hope that's not true.
Wondering why I have no problem standing up and speaking with authority figures and saying things most would never be brave enough to say. Why I am not intimidated by them, but I AM intimidated of my own things. Why thinking about going in there and doing something with those things makes me so nervous. Where's my bold audacity? Why do I have it when it comes to bigger things?
My own things have more power over me than any of my principals I've had. (Ok, other than maybe Rabbi Kass- I did have a certain amount of fear of him)
THINGS! Papers, books, clothes............... stuff
It's just stuff!!!!!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

pretend

Ok, so I'm gonna pretend that i LIKE the place that im in, in my life right now. That I'm doing exactly what I wanna be doing and spending my days exactly how I want to be spending them. HELP ME PRETEND!!!!

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

other's life blogs

So I'm reading this blog of a pediatric resident Dr. and the entries are SO much more interesting than mine (not that my goal is for my blog to be "interesting"). I can't help but think: "I wanna have a job where every day there's a story to blog about. I want to meet interesting and new people everyday and have interesting things happen in my life like that."
So shall I go into medicine? Be a nurse, or a PA or something? G-d knows I'm totally interested in the medical feild. But would it gross me out too much? Would I not be able to handle it? Handle the schooling? Handle that high stress job atmosphere? Is it too much menial labor (drug measurements etc...BP checks...etc.) for me to do on a constant basis? Do I want to work around sick people all the time? I really couldnt tell ya. Maybe I SHOULD go into it. Maybe there's a REASON why the first thing I can remember wanting to be (as a young child) was a Doctor. Maybe there's a reason why I was so obsessed with ER and why I love watching Greys Anatomy, House, Providence, and Private Practice. Maybe there's a reason why I'd buy medical textbooks for myself to read when I was in high school. Maybe there's a reason for my total obsession with drugs and how they work. I still dont know tho. I cant help but question my ability to get into and get through something like med school. I mean, I like it, but can I do it? Would I be able to get thru it? Could I handle it? and would I want that to be the difference I would want to make in the world? I dont know....

Saturday, January 03, 2009

checking

Always check:
Are YOU noticing your MIND?
Or
is your MIND noticing YOU?

seriously.....