am I back?

Wow look at this, I'm writing in my blog. My long lost, long extinct blog.
Hmm, but what to say?...
Do i have anything to say?
Does anyone ever have anything to say?
oh gosh, if I start this with questions, it will never end.

Ok, so uh...
I've read some people's blogs. Some are interesting and poetic and stuff. Some people even like to reveal themselves through their writing. Like their inner selves. I know, right? People do that?? Publicly?
Apparently I have a lot to learn.
How to be open in my blog...
Hmm....
I'll hopefully get back to you on that one...maybe...
-max

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"Welcome to the wonderful world of not knowin what the hell's goin on"
------------------ -Kate Austin to Juliette after finding themselves cuffed in the jungle (on LOST)
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Mood

Moods are so strange.
They are crazy actually.
How can something that is so fleeting and unpermanent create my entire world (that I live in, in the present). I constantly live in a world that is completely embalmed in a mood. A freakin MOOD! How can a MOOD do things that are....things that are so much huger than a "mood'' will ever be! How? If's just a freakin MOOD!

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maybe

Maybe what you thought you wanted to be, is exactly what you really should be, except, the way you previously viewed what that profession was, was not. The way it is in reality, however, is EXACTLY the thing for you!
maybe

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wikiHow

On wikiHow I found this....

"Be yourself. Much criticism is caused by people who are discontented with themselves, not with you. Your goal may be to open up completely to yourself and learn to be your own best friend by being completely honest with yourself. What do you want out of life? What makes you truly happy? Who do you want to be? Don't hold yourself back or fake things to become well-liked, or because you're too afraid to be who you really are. You owe it to yourself to do one thing: Be you!"

I want this!

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Note to self: I apparently like talking about movies.
wow ----- a lot

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chic

I am one strange chic
Thats for sure
Good G-d!

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interesting

I have the some of the strangest tendencies.
This is seriously just.....strange
How absolutely bizzare is THIS?
Weird......

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focusing

Why, oh why is it so hard for me to focus on something and stick to it?
Why does it seem like other people can do it just fine?
Seriously......
Grumph!! (that's all I have to say)

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scared of what?

What am I scared of right now, you ask?
Things. My things. In my room.
Clearing and cleaning it. Scared of what will happen if I tried- because of what has happened all of the billions of times I have tried. Scared of the feelings and feeling my work is ultimately futile. Fear of not giving myself enough credit for my work because I don't know how. Fear of the possibility that I may never know how. I really hope that's not true.
Wondering why I have no problem standing up and speaking with authority figures and saying things most would never be brave enough to say. Why I am not intimidated by them, but I AM intimidated of my own things. Why thinking about going in there and doing something with those things makes me so nervous. Where's my bold audacity? Why do I have it when it comes to bigger things?
My own things have more power over me than any of my principals I've had. (Ok, other than maybe Rabbi Kass- I did have a certain amount of fear of him)
THINGS! Papers, books, clothes............... stuff
It's just stuff!!!!!

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